Nick Kyrgios has spoken of his battle to break into tennis as a 'white privileged sport' while opening up more on his struggles in 2019 that got so bad he ended up checking into a psychiatric ward.
Kyrgios has openly admitted to his love-hate relationship with tennis, even flirting with retirement before he turns 30.
His emotions often spill out on the court with angry outbursts at officials and fans with the Australian a regular feature on the fines list.
But Kyrgios claims his attitude is partly to do with playing with a chip on his shoulder dating back to when he first tried to break into the sport as a professional.
Nick Kyrgios checked himself into a psychiatric ward in 2019
PA
He said on the 'On Purpose with Jay Shetty' podcast: "It's a white privileged sport. So I was, again, I was behind the eight ball from the get-go. I was colored, had a big personality, and wore the emotion on my sleeve.
"So I was always trying to play against so many more people than just so who was down beating the best players in the world is already hard enough.
"You know, the training every day, the diet, the discipline that was already hard. But me, it was like I was playing against millions more people every time I went out on the court.at least 2 paragraphs
"And I think that's why I'm a bit more exhausted than the average tennis player. Now, when someone goes out there, they're not, they're just playing against who's down the other end, but I was playing against the media.
"I knew that every little thing I did was under such a microscope. And even if I had a flawless match, I was like, 'Oh, that's how it should be anyway'. But then the minute I did something bad, it was like, 'Oh, here it is. See, that's his true colours'. I was like, I couldn't win. I actually couldn't win.
"And then if I was well-behaved and disciplined, it was like, 'Oh, no, it's boring'. So it's like, okay, which one do you want?
"And that's how I've always felt like on the tennis world that they haven't embraced me. And that's why I've got such a big chip on my shoulder. Now with the tennis world, it's like, I don't owe anyone anything anymore."
Kyrgios' darkest period in his professional career came back in the 2019 season, with the Australian openly admitting to his suicidal thoughts.
The Aussie tennis ace revealed in Netflix series Breakpoint that he also checked himself into a psychiatric ward in London after going on a drink and drug binge that spiralled out of control.
He's opened up more on his visit to the psychiatric ward and he still wonders how he survived that scary period of his life.
"It was just self-inflicted pain. And I had friends around me telling me it wasn't healthy and I ignored them," Kyrgios added.
"And then I found myself going to a psychiatric ward in London and I had to play Nadal the next day.
"And these are the things like everyone would assume that I was doing fine.
"I was answering questions and they told me that I should stay in this psychiatric ward for two weeks and be reassessed.
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Nick Kyrgios has spoken of his mental health struggles
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"And I was playing Nadal the next day. It's like, I looked at myself. I was like, I can't do this. I have to somehow change these habits.
"So I had self-harm everywhere. I had to wear an arm sleeve on the center court of Wimbledon and no one knew any of these problems. And it was, it was hard.
"And I look back and I just don't know how I like got out of it to be honest, I was such a mess."
