A former Manchester United star has revealed his struggles with anxiety and depression in a new book, after being mocked on TV by Gary Lineker.
Luke Chadwick played with the likes of David Beckham, Roy Keane and Paul Scholes, but the glamour of top-flight football did not follow him off the field.
Chadwick, 44, suffered abuse and bullying due to his appearance which left him reluctant to even leave his house.
Despite winning the Premier League with the Red Devils, Chadwick was far from immune from mockery, particularly when such abuse was aired on the BBC TV show They Think It’s All Over.
Luke Chadwick said he has struggled with anxiety and depression after the abuse he suffered
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The show was hosted by Nick Hancock, while Lineker was a panellist. Both have since apologised for their harsh words.
On the struggles of his youth, Chadwick said: "As a 19, 20-year-old it should have been the best time of my life.
“But for a period of my life I didn't want to go to the shops, I didn't want to go out with my friends. I would just want to stay at home because I was so scared that people would talk about the way that I looked.”
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Luke Chadwock said he was scared people would talk about the way he looked
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However, Chadwick insisted that the football pitch was the place where he felt most comfortable.
"Football was always the place I felt free; the place where I didn't think about anything else," he said.
"I think it was away from the game that it affected me more, and it was something that I became obsessed by internally, and I didn't like leaving the house because, in my mind, I would just be abused or teased about the way I looked when, in reality, that wouldn't be the case.
“My thoughts were to be vulnerable was to be weak - 'I can't show any sign of weakness' – when, in reality, our vulnerability is our biggest strength.”
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He explained that he struggled to speak to friends or family about the issue, as it was kept “deep inside”.
“I wasn't able to speak about it to anyone – not even my family, my friends – it was something that I kept so deep inside… and probably felt helpless, in a way, because I just didn't know how to deal with it… and I just wanted it to stop, really," he said.
He continued: “It wasn't until I came away from Manchester United, and the spotlight's not on you as much, that I was able to rebuild my confidence and live a really happy life.
“Football was always the place I felt free; the place where I didn't think about anything else.”
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Luke Chadwick also played for hometown club Cambridge United
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Chadwick remained at Old Trafford until 2004 when he left for West Ham United.
He also played for Stoke City, Norwich City, MK Dons and Cambridge United, his hometown.
On his struggle to break through at Old Trafford, he said: “I think the reason I didn't have a glittering career at Manchester United wasn't because of the abuse that I suffered.
"It was because I wasn't able to stay at the high level – I suffered with a few injuries and was never able to play at the highest level."
Chadwick is now a director at the Football Fun Factory and provides advice for young professionals in the men’s and women’s games.
During his career, Chadwick earned 460 senior appearances across England’s top five leagues. He also made appearances for England's youth teams, up to the under-21 level.
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