The great writer and journalist Rod Liddle once said we should all be allowed to travel on the road to Damascus once, at least. The problem is, Sir Keir seems to live at the Holiday Inn on the road to Damascus.
Sir Keir Starmer has U-turned so often, on so many important matters, that tonight I want to mediate a debate: Sir Keir Starmer versus Sir Keir Starmer.
First, on the matter of a second referendum. Prime Minister, what do you think?
"It's right that Parliament has the first say, but if we need to break the impasse, our options must include campaigning for a public vote. And nobody is ruling out remain as an option."
And will a doppelganger Sir Keir tell us what he thinks about a second referendum?
"There's no case for going back into the EU and that includes the single market and the Customs Union."
Well, there's quite a strong disagreement there. But what about the question of mass migration? Prime Minister?
"We have to make the case for the benefits of migration, the benefits of free movement. I want people in this country to be able to go work abroad."
And what does the Reverend Starmer now think of mass migration?
"We risk becoming an island of strangers, not a nation that walks forward together."
Well, there seems to be a certain degree of disagreement on the matter of migration, but could we find something on which the two agree? How about the Winter Fuel Allowance?
"No Prime Minister wants to do what we have to do in relation to the Winter Fuel Allowance, but we have to take the tough decision to stabilise our economy."
Sir Keir, what do you think?
"We want to ensure that as we go forward, more pensioners are eligible for Winter Fuel Payments."
Well, there does not seem to be much agreement there, either. The final question, for the two Sir Keirs, the Keir and the doppelganger Keir, is about having a grooming gangs national inquiry. agreement against National Inquiry. Can we have some agreement on that, please?
"Calling for inquiries because they want to jump on a bandwagon of the far-right."
Right-wing bandwagon? Is that what you think now, Sir Keir?
"On the basis of what she's found, she says there should be a National Inquiry. I've looked at her report, I've considered that material. I think she's right, and that's why there'll be a National Inquiry."
That was tonight's final question, and the results are in. Today's loser of the State of the Nation Prime Minister's debate is the Reverend Keir Starmer. And while the succession of U-turns illustrated by this debate makes for amusing watching, there is something deeply serious underlying the political knockabout.
WATCH ABOVE.
