Valtteri Bottas has opened up about battling depression and coming close to abandoning Formula One altogether after being cast as Lewis Hamilton's 'wingman' during his time at Mercedes.
The Finnish driver, who partnered Hamilton for five seasons between 2017 and 2021, made the candid admissions in a piece for the Players' Tribune.
"Do you know how badly I wanted to just say no? But I had to be a good teammate. I let him through, and of course he had an incredible season," Bottas wrote.
"He was the champion. I was 'the wingman.'"
The 36-year-old, now racing for Cadillac in their inaugural season, admitted the situation nearly drove him out of the sport entirely.
Bottas arrived at Mercedes having secured third place in the championship during his debut campaign in 2017, as Hamilton claimed his fourth world title ahead of Sebastian Vettel.
Heading into the following year, the Finn believed he was the finest driver in the paddock and capable of securing the championship himself.
Valtteri Bottas has opened up about battling depression and coming close to abandoning Formula One altogether after being cast as Lewis Hamilton's 'wingman' during his time at Mercedes
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However, 2018 proved deeply disappointing as he failed to secure a single victory, repeatedly being instructed by the team to yield position to his teammate.
The low point came at the Hungarian Grand Prix, where team principal Toto Wolff described Bottas as a "sensational wingman" after he held off Ferrari to assist Hamilton's triumph.
Bottas later revealed those comments had wounded him, prompting Wolff to clarify that Mercedes did not favour either driver.
LATEST SPORTS NEWS:
F1 facts fans might not know | GETTY/GBNEWSHamilton secured his fifth title that year whilst Bottas slumped to fifth overall.
Bottas described how his mental state deteriorated significantly during this period, with negative thoughts consuming him once more.
"The old me came back. The negative Valtteri. The obsessive Valtteri. I was reading too many comments on social media, and I started to become very self-loathing. (Finns have a special talent for this)," he wrote.
"But I have to be honest... I was definitely depressed and burnt out. I hated racing. During that winter break before the 2019 season, I did not think that I was going to come back."
Returning to Finland proved transformative, allowing him to shift his perspective and concentrate on becoming the best driver possible.
This renewed approach saw him finish second to Hamilton in both 2019 and 2020, before claiming third in his final Mercedes campaign.
Valtteri Bottas now races for Cadillac
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Bottas also disclosed suffering from an eating disorder earlier in his career whilst driving for Williams.
In 2014, the team advised him to shed five kilograms due to concerns about the car being overweight, but he took the instruction to extremes.
He likened his behaviour during this period to that of a "drug addict," noting that despite his body entering "starvation mode," he felt satisfied watching his reflection grow thinner.
"I started having these intense foggy spells. Not full-blown panic attacks exactly, but whenever I was in a crowd, I would start to feel dizzy and just... like I had to get out of there," he explained.
The condition eventually caused heart palpitations during training, alerting his coach that something was seriously wrong.
After years of denial, Bottas sought help from a psychologist, though he acknowledged it took a further two years before he felt himself again.