Mary Earps has spoken candidly about the period in which she turned to alcohol during lockdown, describing it as a time when “the darkness consumed me” and she felt completely detached from her sense of self.
The former England goalkeeper, now 32 and retired from international football, reveals in her new autobiography that the combination of the pandemic and being omitted from Phil Neville’s Lionesses squad led her to what she calls a “very ugly” battle in private.
The memoir, All In: Football, Life and Learning to be Unapologetically Me, traces her experience of becoming “very lost” at a moment when football, structure and community were abruptly removed.
Earps writes that she began mixing Echo Falls Summer Berries Vodka with diet lemonade at night while surviving on only soup during the day.
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For two weeks, this became a routine she hid not only from teammates but from her closest friends and family.
“The drinking wasn’t a conscious choice, I think I just fell into some really negative coping strategies,” she explains.
“Lockdown was a scary time for everyone. I don’t think I necessarily handled it well, and it also coincided with a really difficult point in my career.
Mary Earps became a key player for England during her career in football
|PA
“I felt very alone, very lost. That person is unrecognisable to me now, the darkness consumed me at that time. But I don’t judge myself for that, I’m not upset with myself.”
Earps admits in the book that she questioned whether “there was any point in me being here any longer” and describes watching her fitness decline rapidly as she “piled on the pounds” and drank to “obliterate the day”.
The decision to keep her struggle secret is something she still reflects on.
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Mary Earps has revealed she kept her battle with alcohol a secret from her parents
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“I was hiding it from friends, they had no idea. I think a lot of people I know will read about that for the first time in the book – I don’t think my parents even know that,” she added.
Her omission from the England squad in early 2020 remains a source of enduring emotional weight throughout the memoir.
Casey Stoney, who managed Earps at Manchester United at the time, said last year that the keeper had been “hurt deeply” by Neville’s decision.
Earps had previously broken into the national side under Mark Sampson in 2017 and travelled to the World Cup in France in 2019 as the third-choice goalkeeper before disappearing entirely from selection.
The book traces how frustration over her role within the England setup evolved into more personal conflict.
Earps addresses the breakdown of her relationship with Hannah Hampton and the deterioration of her trust in Sarina Wiegman.
Mary Earps discusses her fractured relationship with Hannah Hampton in her new autobiography
|REUTERS
The now-PSG star retired from international football shortly before this summer's European Championships, which England went on to win in Switzerland with Hampton starting in goal.
In one of the most pointed sections of the memoir, Earps criticises Wiegman for “rewarding bad behaviour” by recalling Hampton, who had previously been dropped, and writes that there was a “clear lack of care for me and my welfare” in how she was handled by the England staff.
Hampton emerged as one of the key figures of that tournament, saving two penalties in the quarter-final shoot-out before repeating the feat in the final to secure the trophy.
Earps, now playing for Paris Saint-Germain, concludes the book by expressing hope that time may allow space for reconciliation with Wiegman and those she once shared the national dressing room with.