How do you solve a problem like Prince Andrew, who is currently featuring in more Hollywood movies than Tom bloody Cruise?
Netflix had just launched a movie called Scoop, a drama which gives an insider account of how the team at BBC Newsnight secured that infamous interview with Andrew, in which his efforts to silence the allegations around his sex life backfired spectacularly.
Meanwhile, versatile actor Michael Sheen plays Prince Andrew on Amazon Prime in A Very Royal Scandal, which charts the story leading up to that TV appearance. Who could blame Netflix and Amazon for seizing on this material?
In the BBC Newsnight interview, instead of distancing himself from convicted paedophile Epstein, Andrew said that he didn't regret that friendship because it "led to opportunities that were actually very useful". Well, I'm sure it did.
Mark Dolan shares his thoughts on Prince Andrew
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He also admitted to staying in creepy Epstein's New York mansion for several days because it was a convenient place to stay. This was the son of Queen Elizabeth II.
He could have stayed anywhere in New York with a budget for a huge room at any of its finest hotels.
And in the interview, Andrew admitted that he took residence at the billionaire's pad after Epstein had served time for soliciting a minor for the purpose of prostitution. Charming.
And when asked about the many underage girls photographed leaving the billionaire's house, Prince Andrew said as far as I was aware, they were staff. Yes, Andrew, but what jobs were they doing? They were more likely on the job.
Now. In the interview, he questioned the accuracy of that photograph with his accuser, Virginia Giuffre, confirming that it is him in the picture, but not necessarily his hand.
So what's going on? Did he use a stunt double? And hilariously, he denied dancing with Virginia Giuffre at a London nightclub because he says he has a rare condition in which he cannot sweat? Well, he's sweating now, isn't he?
As these movies heap more embarrassment and shame on the family now, Prince Andrew denies all allegations made against him and has settled for several million pounds against Giuffre. But without acknowledging any guilt or culpability, he may well be 100 per cent innocent of any wrongdoing. He could be the victim of a terrible stitch-up. He could, who knows?
But with his poorly judged actions, it's very clear that this right royal numpty has brought this crisis on himself. And given that two major Hollywood films are dedicated to the story, the damage that this man has reaped on the monarchy, his family and the country is there for all to see.
So what was his response this weekend? Well, he was photographed punting around his royal estate on a horse without a care in the world. It's been take, take, take from this guy since day one, receiving a multi-million-pound mansion from his mother when he married Sarah Ferguson, only to flog it years later for a huge profit, pocketing £17million from the sale of a Swiss chalet. Nice work if you can get it darting around the world at the taxpayers' expense as some kind of self-appointed business ambassador.
What does Prince Andrew know about running a business? He couldn't run a bath. A butler probably does it for him. Prince Andrew has all the financial acumen of Katie Price. Good friend of mine, Katie. I probably shouldn't lump her in with this numpty.
So what next for Andrew? Well, a few weeks ago I suggested that he should remarry Sarah Ferguson and take a path back to respectability, discreetly serving the nation behind the scenes and trying to repair the damage and talk about damage.
As well as being relieved of his public royal duties, he lost his military honours, most recently passed over for a promotion to the rank of admiral, and most embarrassingly, he was absent from the official photos of his eldest daughter, Princess Beatrice's wedding. He didn't even catch the bouquet.
I'll be honest, I feel sorry for his two daughters, who are fabulous girls and who have been through hell. Meanwhile, their sweat-free old man is still rattling around his 30-room Windsor home, the Royal Lodge. Let's be honest, he's the world's poshest squatter and he's still living high on the hog. Courtiers, security cars, banquets, you name it.
Although our dynamic new king has cut his ludicrous annual budget of a quarter of a million pounds, teaching the Queen's apparently favourite and in my view, spoiled son, that actions have consequences. Prince Andrew could have stalled out this crisis if he had some humility and capacity for self-reflection.
But a top royal insider has told me in confidence that there is no well of goodwill among family members or indeed the staff at the palace who I'm told can't stand him. My source, who couldn't be better connected, tells me that Andrew is notoriously pompous and rude. Now, these are allegations for which I don't have tangible evidence. It's what I've been told by an insider. You can decide for yourself.
Ultimately, you reap what you sow. Back in the day, this horse-loving royal was a stallion. Now he's a donkey and he's heading straight for the knackers yard.
