The TRUTH behind Starmer and Macron's debunked 'cocaine train' claim could prove more sinister  - Alex Story

The mood belied the ostensible sombre historic moment. It was surprisingly jovial.

Keir mentioned his journey through Poland.

Not missing a beat, Friedrich Merz joked that Keir probably had to travel through his bathroom, a good German joke he repeated twice for good measure.

To viewers at home, some of the humour was lost in translation.

But all those present giggled, as chums would, at the German’s repartee.

It was an inside joke. You needed to have been there.

As our illustrious leaders sat down, AFP cameras inadvertently caught Emmanuel and Friedrich, with synchronised swimmers’ precision, removing two items from the table.

With a seasoned card-player’s dexterity, Macron cleared the decks of what to some looked like a sugar-filled sachet while Merz, quasi-simultaneously and with matching skills, disposed of a small and interestingly shaped spoon.

Emmanuel’s political skill, to those who wanted to see it, was on full display.

He disposed of the article all the while maintaining direct eye contact with the camera, smiling like a pro.

On his face, he wore a self-conscious beatitude, engendered by the evident bonhomie oozing out of the cabin. The vibe was just too good and strong.

He was being carried along in a 1969 type trip to peace.

As AFP released the footage to the public, something unexpected happened.

Rather than focus on the object of the grave journey to war-weary Ukraine, social media commentators directed the spotlight on Emmanuel’s sachet, Merz’s little party spoon, and their awkward body language.

They intimated, unfairly as we shall see, that the cameras caught our three political colossi in flagrante with a bag of cocaine and a snorting spoon.

This, they supposed, perfectly explained the odd sequence of events as well as the jollity, so much at odds with the trip’s momentous purpose.

Before the official, and therefore true, version of events could tie up its laces, the memes showing Merz, Macron and Gear Starmer partying on the Love Train to Ukraine sprinted four times around the world.

Thankfully, the Liberation intervened. The French daily “debunked” the contemptible rumours.

It thundered: “No, Emmanuel Macron did not hide cocaine taken with Friedrich Merz and Keir Starmer on the train to Kiev”. It wasn’t a bag full of coke, it reassured us, it was only a used tissue.

What of the simultaneous removal of that oddly shaped spoon countered the Right-Wing, global warming denying, Putin apologists?

The newspaper thankfully clarified. It was Merz’s stirrer, or, perhaps, a very large toothpick.

Besides, do you really believe that paragons of abstemious Christian moral rectitude such as Starmer, Merz, and Macron would indulge in such a scandalous way?

The answer from the press was a resounding “no”, verging on protesting too much, too fast.

However, on official channels no more was said. The story, quite rightly, died.

Of interest and partially explaining the Liberation prompt “debunking” action is the financial relationship it has with the French State.

When asked, two different AI platforms, Grok and ChatGPT, answered that the newspaper had “received approximately €80million to €100 million in state subsidies” on recent yearly revenues of around €34million.

In other words, without support from the French state, the newspaper would have gone into administration long ago.

Quizzed on the related topic of influence such financial support might engender, both platforms were asked what the probability might be that the newspaper would defacto “debunk” a scandal of such earth-shattering magnitude.

Both platforms answered that there was a 70 per cent to 95 per cent probability that Liberation would protect the reputation of its paymaster. Both agreed on 90 per cent.

In ChatGPT’s words, there is a “70–90 per cent” chance, that “given its financial dependencies and editorial alignment, Libération is highly likely to challenge or debunk stories with serious political ramifications”.

Grok was a tad more aggressive in its assessment, saying that there was a “90-95 per cent” probability that a “state-funded outlet like Libération would likely debunk such a story to protect national interests and maintain credibility” due to “the devastating fallout from confirming such allegations”.

In other words, both platforms agreed on a one in ten chance that Liberation would report the truth on this story.

However, as we all know, AI shouldn’t be taken seriously.

We can all rest easy.

The “debunking” did its job by setting the official records straight.

Macron, Merz and Starmer arrived in Kiev, in good spirits, if a tad tired, their reputations intact, a quite rightly too.

Unfortunately, having not survived the hammer of official repudiation, the anecdote’s soul now lives forever online and in the dark corners of comedy clubs such as Comedy Unleashed, “the home of free-thinking stand-up comedy”.

In that club, helping to turn a story into an eternal myth, one such humourist, Dominic Frisby, a contrarian type, who probably bought gold when Brown sold, invested in Bitcoin at $1 a pop, and who certainly never believed that a woman could have a penis, strummed a few chords on his ukulele and began to sing: “he said it was a tissue, there to blow his nose”.

The audience roared.

He carried on: “The German geezer hid the spoon, Macron stashed the blow or as they have been known to call it… executive snow, Wall Street Sherbet, Devil’s Dandruff, Columbian candy”.

In the chorus, he asked, “Maybe Emmanuel Macron was on the coke?”.

Judged by the audience’s glee, the answer was self-evident.

The conclusion is not to go to the Comedy Unleashed club, it's full of side-splitting reprobates like Dominic Frisby.