F​orlorn Christmas lights and trees in January are just symbols of nihilism, says Bev Turner

Have you noticed how many people have left up their Christmas decorations? I seem to be surrounded by trees and lights. I left Heathrow just a couple of days ago to come back to Washington DC for the Late Show Live, and I was appalled at the UK's slovenliness - that's the only thing I can call it.

It's nearly the middle of January, and still the country's busiest airport could not be bothered to take down the Christmas decorations, including the actual Christmas trees.

So I messaged my mother a shocked picture to express my disapproval, and of course she said, do not get on the plane Beverly, leaving your decorations up is guaranteed to bring bad luck.

She's joking, sort of. Her generation, and mine frankly, were taught that decorations must be down by 12th night, so this year, that would have been the fifth or sixth of January. Otherwise your house would have been beset by bad luck.

Now that has served us well. My mum would be there as the clock ticked down, wrapping fairy lights around rectangles of cereal box cardboard and pushing a huge gaffer taped box up the stairs to my dad who would inevitably be doing something wrong, of course.

But it was also a generation that were taught to care about other people's opinions, whether it was a messy front garden or neglected Christmas tree lights in January.

These symbols of pride, effort and tidiness have always mattered until now, because to fail adherence to such social norms was to that generation and mine, literally risking the wrath of fate, potentially in the form of the plane falling out of the sky.

But even without that superstition, forlorn Christmas lights and trees in January are just symbols of nihilism.

They are depressing testaments to the fact that the music has stopped.

You're a bit fatter, you're a lot poorer, and there is nothing to look forward to other than the miserable dark days of January and February.

Why are people drawing attention to such bleakness by leaving up the Santa lights?

At best, they symbolise our "can't be arsed" culture and at worst they are sadomasochistic tableaus of torture, reminding us that the party is well and truly over.

I posted my disapproval of Heathrow's and the country's laziness on Instagram, fearing that my flight to DC would fall from the sky because maybe Raheem in facilities management at Heathrow didn't know that the tinsel should be back in the loft by now, lamenting the loss as I did so, of such mutually understood deadlines which held our country together at one time.

But alongside hundreds of sane people agreeing with me online, there was a bizarrely large number of others who were claiming that it's perfectly normal to follow the medieval tradition of leaving Christmas decorations up until February 2, marking the Christian celebration of Candlemas.

No it isn't. That's not a thing. That insanity has never been normal in the UK.

Apparently a bloke from English Heritage called Doctor Michael Carter has said publicly this year that contrary to public belief, the Christmas season actually continues right through Candlemas to February 2, so there is no real reason why you should not take down your Christmas decorations any earlier than that.

What is he talking about? I presume at this point, men in white coats came and took him away.

I like to think he brushed past the Christmas trees that carried him out, leaving an avalanche of dehydrated pine needles that were hoovered up by, I don't know, maybe his wife shaking her head at Doctor Carter's inability to abide by the strict tradition of having everything down by 12th night.

He clearly didn't get that doctorate in British traditions.

Some say that the superstition of bad luck accompanying decorations left up after that date is a modern invention, although it may derive from the medieval notion, apparently, that decorations left up would become possessed by goblins.

I'm with our medieval ancestors. Ask any overtired mother if she would rather get the whole messy shebang put away by the time the kids are back at school, or let that deadline slip away and you will see the weight of such chaos would make goblins appear real.

This year, there was literally no excuse whatsoever because of the way the dates fell.

There was a weekend that was perfectly perched to pack it all away before the kids went back to school on Monday the 5th. How could any sane person have let that gift of timing slip away?

Some people are claiming these idiots that leaving up twinkly lights prolongs the joy during the dark nights. This is crazy talk.

There remains a life size reindeer on a balcony near my house, which makes me feel very nervous. It keeps me awake at night.

I keep thinking that I should knock on the door, just to check that the owner of the house didn't choke on the After Eight mints on Boxing Day and is lying alone amongst the wrapping paper.

How long do I leave it before I check? Not until bloody Candlemas, I can tell you that.

Passing windows festooned with lights in mid-January forces me to wonder if a horrible tragedy has befallen the household.

Maybe it's a game of charades turned physical until no living soul remained.

Maybe it was a lit Christmas pudding that has incinerated a whole family who were going unidentified as their brain dead neighbours walk past going, oh, is it heartwarming to see the fairy lights up in January? No it's not.

There was turbulence over the Atlantic on my flight, and I tightened my belt and I cursed those blooming Heathrow baubles for sealing my inevitable fate. I was sure I was going to fall out of the sky.

So when we did land safely, I was relieved and I was exhausted. But I was exhaling deeply, knowing that at least in Washington DC, a city run by the firm and steady hand of President Trump, such indolence towards tradition would not be tolerated.

This is a city that prides itself on being shipshape and professional and forward looking. They get stuff done and I was met by a giant blooming Christmas tree. Humanity, folks, is doomed.

Happy New year! Put away your bloody lights! Oh, I feel better for getting that off my chest!

Do you agree? Let me know in the comments below.