Mark Dolan: Boris Johnson must tackle the toxic scourge of wokery

The Prime Minister is clearly very good at one thing in particular. He is very good at winning elections. Mayoral elections, the Brexit referendum and of course that's spectacular landslide in December 2019. So he's good at winning elections, but he seems to struggle with that bit in between. You know – the running the country bit.

Confused government messaging and policy during the pandemic, rolling over to the Sage scientists, allowing Olympic levels of sleaze to happen on his own back benches, not firing the likes of his former chief advisor Dominic Cummings for that ill-fated sight test in Barnard Castle, not firing Matt Hancock for his closed circuit snogathon, not replacing the Home Secretary Priti Patel on whose watch thousands of illegal migrants are entering the country via the English Channel.

What's infuriating about this man is that there are two Borises. Brexit Boris – buccaneering, confident optimistic and getting the job done. But then there's his alter ego, jellyfish Johnson round, tentacles everywhere no backbone.

Brexit Boris will unquestionably triumph at the next election in two or three years time. But jellyfish Johnson, a man bobbing along, sent in different directions by the waves of political misfortune could see a hung parliament or worse. For the first time in what feels like 300 years, labour are ahead in the polls.

This is a statistic only significant because it hasn't happened more often in the last couple of years. But who could be surprised given that the Labour leader Keir Starmer, whilst clearly a nice and decent man, was the architect of labours hated second referendum Brexit policy and is a leader so lacking in principles and conviction, he makes Jeremy Corbyn look like Winston Churchill.

And I don’t want to be unkind, but he’s so lacking in charisma, he couldn't get laid at an orgy. But it's still a warning sign to the Prime Minister that he's got to raise his game. I've always given him credit for freedom day on the 19th of July.

But he must resist calls for further Plan B measures which many bonkers boffins are still calling for and he's got to move on from winning the country, to now running it. Strengthening our borders and tackling the evil trade in human beings which is seeing thousands cross the channel every week.

If that's not a humanitarian crisis I don't know what is. It's also a national security crisis too. He's got to let the economy recover by promising businesses that there will be no further Covid measures and no needless borrowing or tax hikes.

He's got to make sure that GPs grant face-to-face appointments for those who want it – we pay our taxes it's not too much to ask. We’re all for saving the planet, but not ruinous eco extremism whilst China, India and the USA continue to do their worst.

And he's got to stand up for traditional British values. He has an opportunity to call out hateful, hard left political correctness - he must tackle the toxic scourge of wokery, which is currently performing a land grab of our language, our art, our culture our institutions and our history.

And it would help if he could admit publicly, something he has struggled to do so far, that only women have a cervix. Blimey if anyone has a deep knowledge of the female anatomy, it’s got to be him. But I'm keeping the faith with this election winning machine. I’ve never been his biggest fan, but we all need him to succeed.

And the so-called culture wars will be decisive in future elections across the western world. The people have had enough of being told what to say and what to think all the time. They've had enough of Shakespeare, Charles Dickens, Fawlty Towers and the Rolling Stones being cancelled. They want freedom of thought back and freedom of speech. You must fight this battle PM. Go woke, no vote. You have been warned.

Matt Hancock writing a book on the pandemic?

This prise numpty is back, like a particularly stubborn case of chlamydia. The author of all of this Covid collateral damage wants to be the author of a book all about how brilliantly he did. The Mail report he is looking for £100,000 for the rights to this self-congratulating tome.

Perhaps he could put that one hundred grand towards the £34 billion quid’s worth of taxpayers money, wasted on a test and trace system that didn't work. The fact that the book is said to be entitled “how I saved Britain from Covid”, suggests it will be the greatest work of fiction since war and peace, and probably just as dull.

Former Health Secretary, you didn't save Britain from Covid. A secret corridor camera at the health department, saved us from you. I will give the big man credit for the vaccine rollout, but otherwise Hancock was the man behind the mask mandates, the man behind contact tracing and the man behind our mad, testing mania, that continues to this day.

Our European neighbours, test a fraction of the people. Lucky them. The former Tory strategist Tim Montgomery suggested to me on this programme, we may not have had freedom day on the 19th of July in England, if he was still in charge, because Matt Hancock was a lockdown hawk too.

Mr zero Covid achieved zero in dealing deal with this pandemic and I wish we heard zero from him in the future. This guy should have had the book thrown at him a long time ago. He might have great expectations for this project, but I think it will be much ado about nothing and 50 shades of rubbish. I can only think of one use for this book, if I'm given a copy, and that’s to prop open my rather unpredictable kitchen door.