I wonder if Keir Starmer consults his horoscope before making big decisions. If he had done so before signing the US-UK trade deal, he might have been encouraged by astrologer Russell Grant.
The PM is a Virgo, and Russ said that day: “You always have long-term security and stability in mind when you think about the future.”
Can’t see the PM disagreeing with that one. It could have come straight from his own mouth.
As he flew to Canada for the G7 summit, Russell predicted: “There’s no need to stress about finding someone to cover for you at work.”
No sweat at all as Aries Angela Rayner popped into No10 to take the PM’s place chairing Cabinet and in the Commons for PMQs..Russ said she would thoroughly enjoy the experiences because “facing up to responsibilities leaves you feeling more successful”.
Pisces Yvette Cooper was told: “You’re starting to discover new triggers that spark your creativity”. Which was exactly what the Home Secretary needed in trying to sell the PM’s U-turn on a rape gang inquiry to MPs.
Keir Starmer’s future is now written in the stars — and so is the future of his replacement — Nigel Nelson
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But Capricorn Kemi Badenoch couldn’t have looked up her own stars. If she had, she’d have been less hard on Yvette, as “explanations make sense to you and you can see how and why there have been misunderstandings”.
Gemini Donald Trump was told to “think before you speak”, which should be his horoscope every day of the week. I haven’t seen Russell for years, but it's good to know he’s still plying his out-of-this-world trade in the Express, Mirror and Star.
I have yet to find a politician who will admit to reading him, but that does not mean MPs aren’t superstitious. Conservatives rubbed the left foot of Winston Churchill’s bronze statue at the entrance to the Commons Chamber for luck before major speeches, so much so that they wore a hole in Winnie’s big toe.
Like Chancellor Rachel Reeves, Russell is an Aquarius, and his news is bad for both of them: “You might find it hard to relax and unwind.”
And that’s because “what you hadn’t expected is to feel overwhelmed by all that is going on, that you can’t decide where to start”.
Yup, that’s exactly how Rachel must feel when another dismal set of unwelcome financial figures lands on her desk. And talking of figures, the PM’s are not looking too jolly as his approval ratings tumbled to minus 46, the lowest pollsters YouGov ever recorded.
Just a year into his premiership, there is already talk in Labour circles about who will replace him. To get a feel for who’s up and who’s down, turn to the Labour List website for the rankings of Cabinet ministers according to party members who will one day choose Starmer’s successor.
Deputy PM Angela Rayner is in second place, with former leader Ed Miliband, somewhat surprisingly, at the top. If Labour is looking for its first woman leader, then there is also Culture Secretary Lisa Nandy in fourth place, level-headed Justice Secretary Shabana Mahmood at 5 and Education Secretary Bridget Phillipson in at number 6.
Home Secretary Yvette Cooper is down to 10th place while Chancellor Rachel Reeves is bottom on minus 28 points. And even the oft-tipped-for-the-top Health Secretary Wes Streeting only makes 20th place in a field of 27 runners and riders.
Labour List didn’t rank Andy Burnham because he’s not in the Cabinet, yet he is clearly angling for Keir Starmer's job. And there’s nothing to stop him being Manchester mayor and an MP when he needs a launchpad.
He’d have won the leadership in 2015 had Jeremy Corbyn not mobilised his Momentum mates. And Andy has been on the right side of history of late.
He called for a national inquiry into grooming gangs and opposed taking winter fuel allowance from pensioners long before Keir Starmer U-turned on both.
Andy is putting what sounds like the final flourishes to an election manifesto by demanding a “unifying popular left to counter a divisive popular right”, and accusing Rachel Reeves of “overtaxing labour and undertaxing wealth”.
Policies include free travel for teenagers, no disability welfare cuts and a target to build more social housing than is lost. Even Russell Grant thinks Andy is on his way to No10.
The stargazer told him: “Career matters are progressing well. You can expect to make advancement towards a professional goal.”