'Keir Starmer's trip to China has been a comical disaster - I can't wait to see what happens next,' Patrick Christys says

Slightly odd walk there.

But Starmer has been accused of being pushed around by the Chinese politically. But of course that's not fair.

They push him around physically as well.

They've taken Sir Keir on a little trip to the Forbidden City.

And here's what it looked like when President Trump visited them. You'll notice that it's closed to the public, which is what it was. President Xi was there himself.

Let's just see what they did for the Labour Party leader. So they kept it totally open to the public and tourists. Right.

And they even gave him a tour guide. So that's what we would get if we went on holiday to the Forbidden City.

Starmer has faced criticism for granting the Chinese a massive super embassy in London.

But when you see what the Chinese have given him, you'll realise it was all worth it. They've given him a Labubu doll for his children.

They've given him a big copper horse because it's the year of the horse, apparently. So that's great.

They've also given him a flute because he used to play the flute. So that's great. They also took him out to dinner. Any guesses what was on the menu anyone?

No. Not McDonald's. No. It was magic mushrooms.

Hallucinogenic mushrooms. Okay, that would explain a huge amount about his decision making.

But to be fair, they are not hallucinogenic if cooked correctly, which presumably they were.

Anyway, so far, Starmer has managed to secure two things. China has said that they'll do something to stop the engines and parts of small boats crossing the channel and getting to Calais.

Can I just tell you now - they won't, because that would be nuts, wouldn't it? I mean, look, don't get me wrong, but if you can't trust the Chinese Government, you know...

And secondly, they've dropped sanctions on British MPs like Sir Ian Duncan Smith. Oh, great.

So now Sir Ian can go to Shenzhen province with his family, which I'm sure he was planning on doing anyway, wasn't he?

To make matters worse, Starmer's trip did anger the US President.

Brilliant. So look, I can't wait for tomorrow because apparently the Chinese are going to make Starmer wrestle a giant panda in a giant vat of chicken chow mein.

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