Britain's care crisis: Millions left to cope alone as looking after ageing parents pushes 'carent' children to breaking point

Of the 4,293 carents surveyed in the study, 96 per cent said they are always on alert even when they are not physically with the person they care for, suggesting they live in a permanent state of anxiety, waiting for the phone call that could mean an emergency that falls on them to tackle.

Some 89 per cent said the care system waits until they are at breaking point before stepping in, 62 per cent feel guilty asking for help and 56 per cent feel ashamed admitting that caring for a parent is hard.

Gemma Lennon, 54, is one of the four million adults caring for an elderly relative in Britain. She and her sister, Jane Lamont, look after her dad, who lives alone near Wakefield in West Yorkshire. The 85-year-old has the lung disease COPD and a heart condition, which have left him struggling to walk.

For the last six years, Gemma and her sister Jane have been doing everything for their dad, from cooking, cleaning, and even cutting his hair, but with jobs and families of their own, their dad’s care is an intense and full-time balancing act.

Three months ago, Gemma was diagnosed with high blood pressure from the stress of everything, so a carer now also comes in twice a week for 45 minutes.

She told GB News: "Me and my sister basically take care of everything from cleaning and cooking. I cut dad's hair once a week and shave him and we both give him whatever he needs. It's difficult and it's a lot of weight to carry.

"Recently, I was diagnosed with high blood pressure with the stress of it all. I do worry a lot about dad - I'll come and visit him, and I'll come home emotionally exhausted.

"I work from Dad’s house in another room, he just likes to know that someone is there. As he’s become more immobile, we’ve seen Dad’s personality slowly drift away – we can’t tell if he’s just exhausted or low, which would make sense because he’s sat on his own all day. It’s no way to finish a life.

"I am so very grateful that Dad still has his mind and most of his facilities but there is still a sense of constant guilt and worry – it’s like going back to having a toddler.

"Before I leave for the night, I’ll cook him dinner and then go home and do it all over again and clean and cook for my 16-year-old son."

Richard Hopkins, 85, wants to stay at home and he appreciates everything his daughters Gemma and Jane do for him.

He told GB News: "For the last six years they've been helping me out because since then I've really started to struggle with walking - I get so out of breathe with my COPD that I tend not to leave my chair in this room.

"I wouldn't be able to have what life I have without the two of them, and I'm just pleased they live so close.

"I don't want to be a burden to them, but it's very important to me to stay at home and not go into a care home."

The UK has an ageing population and the family care provided by adults to their elderly relatives is worth more than £100billion per year.

The new report by Carents, 'The Hidden Toll: The lived realities of caring for an ageing parent in the UK in 2026', suggests many are paying for it with their own health, careers and financial security.

During Carers Week, which, this year, is all about ‘Building Carer Friendly Communities’, Carents is urging people to recognise the demands of this difficult but often forgotten life stage - including the ‘Sandwich generation’ balancing this impossible task, at a time in their lives where, for some, their own children have to also take priority.

In the report, Dr Jackie Gray, Founder of Carents and a retired NHS GP, is calling for carenthood to be recognised as a distinct life stage with proactive support before ageing parents’ health reaches crisis point, better mental health provision, stronger workplace protections, proper research and a cultural shift that stops treating family care as an endless private duty.

She told GB News: "Frontline health and care services are struggling to cope with the pressures, which means carents are filling the gaps already, but will increasingly fill more and more gaps.

"The system of support around them only reacts when they reach crisis point.

"There's a massive taboo about talking about elder care and the amount of care that families are doing and the impact that it's having on the individuals that are doing it.

"They want to do their very best for the people they love, particularly in their final years, and yet the system isn't supporting them, and their friends and family aren't supporting them, because there's an overwhelming attitude of 'it's something you keep to yourself, it's what you do, and if you do speak out, you're obviously not a very good son or daughter, or a risky employee not worthy of promotion'."

Gemma Lennon receives support from the Carents community, but wants more to be done to recognise carents and their elderly relatives.

"I have a 16-year-old and I don't want him to go through what I'm going through now. We need to see change where there's support for the parents, but for the people who also need the caring. It needs to be invested in, really does.

"It's at crisis point now. It really is. I'm in it, I see it. I'm together with all those people who are suffering as well. well.

"I know my story is like so many others, and it’s not fair. I want to speak up because I can’t bear the thought that my son will have to do this for me and my husband – the next generation shouldn’t have to go through what we’re all going through now.

"There needs to be more investment in care, opportunities for older people to stay at home and recognition of the carents that look after them."

To find out more about Carents and to read their report in full, click HERE.