I'm not going to talk to you about Partygate, because, honestly. We saw the images in the Sue Gray report and if that's the Prime Minister's attempt at hosting a party, I've seen more exciting-looking gatherings in the safe space of a Labour Party conference after Sir Beer Korma has replaced Jezza Corbyn.
I'm also not going to talk to you about monkeypox. I mean, calm down dear, the mainstream media's collective attempt to terrify all of us into a panic is unceasing and unrelenting. Give it a rest. You'd think the newspapers were a pack of monkeys the way they're letting out a collective ooh-ooh-ah-ah over a few poxes.
And I'm not going to talk to you about a few hundred quid off your energy bills thanks to socialist Sunak, enough to keep the lights on for a few hours at the rate we're going; I've told GB News I can do my show in the dark, we'll save a fortune in both makeup and electricity.
What I want to talk about is more fundamental. What does the Conservative Party stand for now? It used to understand that a popular policy isn't always a sound policy. It was a party that believed it was morally right for people and business to keep their cash, rather than have government waste it on inefficient central planning and pet projects.
Unlike Boris Johnson, Margaret Thatcher stuck to her guns, says Darren Grimes Joe Giddens
These days, if the Labour Party shouts loud enough about something, the Conservatives end up adopting their demands and putting them into law. Or in the case of the "windfall" tax grab, going even further.
Why would any international investor think Britain is a good place to create jobs if the Conservative approach is now one where, if you're making a profit, the Government may well decide they'll be having that, ta very much. It would be rude not to raid it.
When the British people put their faith in Boris the bumbling blonde bombshell, millions were voting for a Tory party that was in touch with them on everything from Brexit, the BBC and reshaping Britain. Communities like my patch in County Durham would be forgotten no more, thanks to the levelling up agenda. Or so we thought. Boris seemed to be for Britain and for people like us. It cut through and gave the Tories their biggest majority since Thatcher.
Boris Johnson needs to be the Prime Minister he told us he would be, says Darren Grimes. Ian Vogler
Mrs Thatcher knew what she stood for; when she left office, she had transformed the British economy from being the sick man of Europe to a pioneer of privatisation. It boosted productivity and led to more jobs and prosperity.
She faced fierce criticism and demonetisation from Labour. But unlike Boris, she stuck to her guns and did not give in. Eventually, her economic miracle would be copied around the globe and in the name of freedom.
I'm afraid to say that today's Conservative Party hasn't the first clue what it stands for. And as the adage goes, those who stand for nothing fall for anything.
Boris, the supposedly business and liberty-loving Tory, has overseen the biggest hike in national insurance and tax in a generation, and is currently cheering on the biggest crackdown on online free speech in the Western world, under the guise of the "online safety bill". And don't even get me started on lockdown or his attempts to out-green the Green Party at COP26. No wonder Dominic Cummings calls him the trolley: Zig-zagging all over the place, going in the direction of whoever he bumped into last.
No wonder Dominic Cummings calls Boris Johnson the trolley, says Darren Grimes. House of Commons
The vision for post-Brexit Britain used to be one that would shake off the shackles of European social democracy. We would be a vibrant, dynamic economy that would look away from a lazy focus on one continent of the earth and instead look to the world, strengthening old relationships and forging new ones to be at the forefront of the industries of the future.
Darren Grimes has criticised the Conservative Party over its current state. Image: GB News
Well, progress has been slow. Half a decade since Brexit. And the government has only just brought forward plans to fix Northern Ireland Protocol and introduce the Brexit Freedoms Bill, so we can lift un-scientific EU bans on things like GM crops, which will discuss in this show.
And the Rwanda migrant plan is completely meaningless, as we learnt from new Home Office data this week that more than a million foreign nationals were allowed to live in UK in a year. Visas being handed to foreign nationals surged by 35% in a year and the number applying for asylum in the UK rose by nearly 45%. Are we taking back control or completely and utterly losing it?
Is it surprising, then, that YouGov polling, reported this morning, shows the Tories would lose all but three of 54 of the seats seized from Labour three years ago if an election were held now. The Red Wall would fall. And the Tories would deserve it.
I don't care if he had a beer in lockdown. But I do care that he is now a clear danger to conservatism, risking allowing a left-wing coalition to seize power that'll change the electoral system and keep the Tories out of power for a long, long time.
C'mon Boris. Be bold, be brave, be the Prime Minister you told us you would be.