Prince Andrew is a threat to the constitution of this country by bringing our monarchy into disrepute, Mark Dolan says

What a right royal mess.

Prince Andrew has become embroiled in yet another scandal. An alleged fraudster has claimed in court that a mystery £750,000 payment to the Duke of York was a wedding gift to Princess Beatrice. Prince Andrew, is alleged to have received the money from Nebahat Evyap Isbilen, who says she was acting on the orders of Selman Turk, her financial adviser and a former banker. The money was ultimately returned, but it’s not a great look for the Queen’s favourite son, is it?

This guy has covered the whole gamut, hasn't he? We've had the sex scandals, with his well reported appetite for glamorous women and even soft porn stars, earning him the nickname Randy Andy. He has also spent decades earning a reputation as being a workshy royal, travelling around the world at the taxpayers’ expense, earning the nickname Airmiles Andy. He's had a brush with the law, following allegations, which he strenuously denies, that he had sex with the then 17-year-old young Virginia Giuffre, which led to a legal settlement that set him back 12 million quid. He's had PR and reputational scandal, having been seemingly close friends with convicted paedophile Jeffrey Epstein, in what was a diabolical misjudgement, which has become the theme of his adult life.

There was the ill-fated Newsnight interview in which the BBC’s eye roller in chief Emily Maitliss, who squashed him like a margarita pizza. The only good this guy has ever done is for the share price of Pizza Express. He also claimed in the interview that he couldn’t sweat, but he’s been sweating about his fate ever since.

And all of that, is before you get to his finances which are murkier and more mind-bending than a pint of old speckled hen. What a cock. Money has always been a problem for Andy. Unlike his brother Charles, who set up the hugely successful Duchy Original’s food company, Prince Andrew has never knowingly made a penny of his own money. And yet, following this litany of crimes, which threaten the integrity and therefore very existence of the royal family, this right royal numpty still wants to be a prominent, public member of the family. Can't this privileged fool take a hint? Every organisation that he has been involved with, has dropped him as an ambassador. This guy has been stripped more often than a Playboy Bunny.

The Royal Family are a colossal asset to this country, providing soft diplomatic power globally. When elected heads of states of other countries travel the world, they are accommodated in premium hotels. When the queen travels the world, she stays in the White House and the Elysee Palace. Any British king or queen rivals only the US president, as the greatest and most significant head of state in the world. The Royal family is great news for UK plc, representing British innovation and talent and being the embodiment of this nation's values – decency, respect, pride, honour, tradition and duty. But that selfish idiot Prince Andrew threatens all of this.

On a personal level, he is a nightmare for his own family – he is someone so dysfunctional, he wouldn’t even make it through an audition onto the Jeremy Kyle show. But he is also a threat to the constitution of this country, by bringing our monarchy into disrepute. And following the well-publicised departure of her grandson Harry to America and the horrific attacks that he and his wife launched on a family, and a country, that gave them so much; following the enormous challenge of representing her country during the pandemic and losing her beloved husband of seven decades Prince Philip, the Queen deserves better too. She's 95 years of age – Prince Andrew is thought to be her favourite son. And her reward for that huge honour - he makes her family and the monarchy itself, a laughing stock.

In the end, it's time for Prince Andrew to indulge in some rare self-examination. He can't be cancelled. He can't stop being the Queen's youngest son, but he could respectfully acknowledge his mistakes and adopt a lower profile, for the foreseeable future. Instead he wants to the front and centre, most recently escorting his mother down the aisle at Prince Philip's tribute service. My perception is that Prince Andrew is highly arrogant, he thinks he's the kingpin, the creme de la crème, the dogs ********. But he’s more ******** than dog. Prince Andrew is bad news for his family, bad news for the monarchy and bad news for the country.

Do you really want this numpty as one of the people representing Britain? I wouldn't want him representing us in a pub quiz, let alone around the world as a global ambassador.

There’s only one person that can put Andrew in his place and that his mother. She doesn't have to disown him and she never would. But she can insist that his public role is no more. In the same way that a prime minister ejected from power, should disappear from public view and a celebrity that has faced disgrace, ceases to enjoy the limelight.

At least until they've seen the error of their ways, shown humility, apologised and demonstrated vigorously that they have changed. But I won’t hold my breath that that will happen.

Ultimately, this guy doesn’t belong in the Addams Family, let alone the royal one.