What a week it has been. An emergency Downing Street reshuffle meant the revolving door at the Home Office spun once more. But will it prove to be more like the wheel of misfortune? Or maybe a trap door?
Out goes Yvette Cooper after only a year in the top job. Her husband, Ed Balls, says she found the reshuffle "frustrating" because she was making 'progress' tackling migration. Some might disagree with that idea.
So in through the revolving door comes former Justice Secretary Shabana Mahmood. Fresh from reforming our prisons, she's now ready to smash the gangs.
Apparently, the new Home Secretary is as 'hard as nails', but so are the people smugglers. Let battle commence. Ms Mahmood had barely had time to play with the gadgets on her new desk when the Armada I promised you last week sailed for Blighty.
Small boat after small boat was ushered into the UK by the smiling people at Border Force. The numbers kept ticking up, and by dinner time on Saturday, nearly 1100 illegal migrants had successfully crossed. Welcome to your smashing new life, Home Secretary.
Migration Monitor: While Keir Starmer battled a Mandelson-shaped migraine, small boats seized an opportunity
|Getty Images
By Monday, Shabana Mahmood might have been wishing the revolving door had stopped turning before she arrived. In her first Commons appearance in the new job, she announced that the UK could suspend visas for countries that don't agree to return deals for migrants.
The word 'could' suggested that maybe she's not quite as hard after all. Shadow Home Secretary Chris Philp, who has been bemoaning the demise of the Rwanda plan, described the new threats as "more tinkering around the edges" from the government. And what of the 'one in one out' scheme with France?
Well, there are some mixed messages there. Downing Street had insisted that some small boat migrants would be deported this month.
The outgoing Yvette Cooper couldn't guarantee anyone would be sent to France this month. And the new boss at the Home Office was adamant the removals under the scheme would begin 'imminently'. This month? Next month? Any month?
As the week wore on and Sir Keir Starmer developed another migraine-sized headache in the shape of the Mandelson scandal, illegal migrants grabbed the opportunity to jump on dinghies and chance the choppy waters of the Channel.
While politicians looked the other way and hypothesised about leaving the troublesome ECHR, the floodgates were opened and hundreds more arrived, taking the tally this year so far to a record-breaking 31,000.
The trip over to Dover is fraught with risks. Three people, including two children, died falling into the icy waters, a reminder of the human cost of the profiteering smuggling gangs.
To end the week, I bring news of another great spend of taxpayer cash by the Home Office. They've just advertised for a Religious Affairs Manager to advise illegal migrants on how to get married.
Worth every penny, I'm sure. That's it from me. Mark White will be back from his Mediterranean jaunt next week. In the meantime, make sure you don't get stuck in any revolving doors. It never ends well.