ITV BGT's Simon Cowell recalls he 'reached point where nothing mattered' before birth of son: 'Dying inside'

Simon Cowell

Simon Cowell became emotional discussing birth of his son

Lauren Williams

By Lauren Williams

Published: 10/06/2024

- 19:40

The music mogul showed his vulnerable side during a candid interview about the 'darkest' time in his life

Simon Cowell has admitted the birth of his son Eric, 10, "changed everything" after his mental health had reached the "lowest level possible".

After some success in the 1980s and 1990s as a record producer, talent agent and consultant in the UK music industry, Cowell came to public prominence in 2001 as a judge on Pop Idol.

He has gone on to create and judge on The X Factor, and Britain's Got Talent, as well as the American television talent competition, shows American Idol, The X Factor US, and America's Got Talent.

In a recent interview, Cowell sat down with Steven Bartlett on his Diary of a CEO podcast and told how the loss of both his parents pushed him to "the point where nothing mattered".

Cowell admitted that he was "saved" by partner Lauren Silverman and the arrival of their son together, and broke down: "Before him, I had reached the point where nothing mattered.

"It all hit me so hard. Being on TV I felt like a clown because I was dying inside. I put on loads of weight. If I was going to be hit by a bus the next day - I wasn't worried about anything like that.

Simon Cowell

Simon discussed the lowest point in his life


"The whole time was dark. It was the lowest level. I can relate when people say that being alive doesn't matter anymore. I thought 'What have I got to live for?'

"I didn't want to take my own life but I thought 'if something terrible happens to me it wouldn't bother me'. I do still suffer from depression sometimes."

He went on to speak about falling into a deep depression and becoming a workaholic, noting that material things meant nothing to him, becoming addicted to the working lifestyle but being "successful but so unhappy".

The 64-year-old admitted that when Silverman revealed she was pregnant, he admitted it "changed everything. It made me happy again, it was perfect."

Simon Cowell

Simon recalled the loss of both his parents


Cowell's father died in 1999 before his mother became ill with dementia and died in 2015.

"Losing both my parents was without a doubt the hardest thing that has ever happened to me. They were my best friends. It's how I feel for Eric it is just pure love."

His candid interview with Bartlett comes after he shut down claims that Bruno Tonioli would no longer be part of the judging panel, and admitted: "I think he's brilliant."

Speaking to Amanda Holden and Jamie Theakston on Heart Breakfast, he added: "He knows so much about what he's talking about. And actually, he's a brilliant, brilliant judge and the nicest person. So no, I would not replace him. He's coming back.

Simon Cowell, Lauren Silverman and Eric Cowell

Simon's life changed with the arrival of his son Eric


"I don't know where all this stuff comes from. I spoke to the producers literally two weeks ago about there [being] a scheduling issue with Bruno. Because we're doing the auditions - some of the auditions - this year and he's going to be in America.

"So maybe there'll be a stand-in for him. I don't know. But I love Bruno on the show. I think he's brilliant."

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